something has to change. I'm sitting here right now writing on my stenomachine, hopefully this works as good as it does when it's words thought as it does when it's words heard. I just feel so lost. I met the most amazing man last year. He really is truly amazing and the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. But I miss my art and my poetry and I haven't written since right when I met him. It's just that the whole time I use to write before was so dark and depressing to me. And I think in a way even though it was an outlet for me it also brought so many skeletons from my closet. I don't know if I can handle that anymore, but I miss that side of me. I think I'm just completely self destructive. And stenoing this as opposed to typing it out is giving me much less time to think so this is all changing subjects all over the place. Sorry, I'll write when I have more time later. Oh yeah, and I don't even think I want my family at our wedding. Jut my grandparents. I wish I could just invite them and not my mom.